According to the NVAWS (National Violence against Women Survey), African-American women and men reported higher rates of domestic violence than women and men from other communities of color (Tjaden & Thoennes, 2000).
So we ask this question, Should a Woman Walk out of a Abusive Marriage ?
This topic was hotly debated on the African Channel a few days ago, and some interesting perspectives were exhibited.
There are two main opinions on this issue; For and Against. Some people think a Woman should walk out of an Abusive Marriage (FOR) Whilst others think that a Woman should not Walk out of an Abusive Marriage (Against).
Most Women support the notion that a woman should indeed walk away from an Abusive Marriage. This makes sense of course since women are predominantly victims in most Abusive Marriages. The following reasons are given below.
- Women should not wait till they are beaten to death; no one is doing anyone favors the best option is to leave because there is usually a pattern. If someone is hit once there is a high probability that the person will be hit again.
- No human being likes pain, Women are more informed, this is the 21st Century – They have more options; there is no point staying in a marriage where your children watch you getting abused violently by your husband. This will have an effect on the child and most of them end up becoming Abusers themselves.
- Some Males point out that the average man out-weighs the average woman by at least 10-20 Kg, forceful strikes to the head of the woman could be life threatening. If the Woman dies in an Abusive relationship – The husband gets sent to jail.. What happens to their poor kids ? Kids who were reduced to spectators watching an uneven recreation of a Mike Tyson Fight.
- When talking about Abusive relationships, it does not just refer to Violence, Verbal abuse is very common too and it can lead to low self esteem in a woman, women should leave before it gets to a very critical level as this can damage her social relationships with other people and also limit the chances of her finding another lover if she leaves it too late.
- Some Men believe that after the first hit a woman should never return to that marriage. Its a code of conduct for Gentle men never to hit a woman, if any man does that, he is not fit to have a wife and should be locked up.
On the other hand some people, predominantly Men are against the notion that a woman should walk out of an Abusive Marriage.
They give the following reasons for their opinion.
- Stay and Work things out – High divorce rate shows signs of a dysfunctional society, if a woman is too quick to leave an Abusive Marriage her children will be deprived of that Father figure that they need. This will lead to more single parent families and juvenile delinquencies.
- Wedding Vows – “For better or for Worse” this is one of the most common lines said during a typical Wedding Ceremony. The Abusive part of the Marriage refers to the “WORSE” part of the vow, so Women are reminded of their wedding Vows to stick with their Husbands and try to make things work during the trials and tribulation of the Marriage.
- Not Surprising there are some women who think that a woman should not walk out of an Abusive Marriage. What doesn’t kill you makes you Stronger. A Lady who went through Abuse in her Marriage stated that – Her Husband beat her up for most part of their marriage, she left the house for 6 months, got members of her family to speak to her Husband, she moved back in and he hasn’t laid a finger on her for 4 years. Sometimes walking away isn’t the ideal choice. You have to try and work things out.
Finally, Although Some men go through Abuse in their Marriages but they stay to work things out – The abuse is mostly verbal and cannot be compared to the Mental and Physical punishment some men put their wives through. The fact that Men stay in an Abusive Marriage, can be attributed to their Ego, Pride and Macho personality.
Say no to Abusive Marriages.
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